Yes, the holidays. The traditions that have brought families together for special gatherings year after year. And these are the very things that those experiencing divorce often need to avoid.
I went to see my therapist today, as so many thoughts have been bouncing around in my mind, and are almost literally driving me insane. I felt overwhelmed with sadness, thoughts that Christmas is never going to be the same. I can’t do the same things as I have always done. I feel bad for the kids, even though they are adults, but I simply can’t honestly participate.
There just has to be new traditions, and maybe none at all for a while. I’d like to simply concentrate on Christ’s birth this year. Isn’t it ironic that something so painful would strip everything down to what Christmas really is after all. It’s about Christ’s birth, and all the traditions and customs we have surrounding it have been built up over time and used by many to celebrate the great event.
I really wish I could simply go to Mass and forget everything else. No parties, no special foods, and it would be really nice if we could just forget the gifts.
But I have gone through the motions of buying the children’s and grand children’s gifts, wrapping them nicely, and putting them under the tree. (Yes, I did put up my tree. It’s my first fake tree, but I love it.)
I do wish I could just go away though and come back when everything is over. But somehow I’ll have to smile my way through this Christmas season and try to make the best of it for those around me. We are all struggling and are trying to wrap our brains around this new normal. It’s so hard. Life is hard.
One day at a time. We are being forged into new people. That process is never a fun one. And this won’t be the last time we are molded and transformed into new, stronger, more virtuous humans.
Oh, the holidays. At once, beautiful and agonizing. But in the end, after the agonizing, out comes a most beautiful child of God, molded by life, and hopefully, a compassionate light to others who are burdened in this world.
God bless you all. I hope some part of this season brings you joy and peace.